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Archive for March, 2015

Thought Catalog

Basheer TomeBasheer Tome

A hug.
A smile.
A friend who loves you.
Love, period.
A safe place to live.
Running water, heat, clean sheets.
An education.
A chance.
Hope.
The Oreo milkshake.
Sunday morning lie-ins.
To know what you want.
To go after what you want.
To take the trip.
To look in the mirror and like what you see.
A new jumpsuit.
To skip.
To dance.
To play.
To leap in the name of why not?
To just exist.
Meaning.
Aliveness for aliveness’ sake.
Appreciation.
To fuck up.
To redeem yourself.
The privilege of change.
Travel.
No judgment.
To decide what success is for yourself.
To shave your head, pierce your nose, to wear the tutu with the stripy tights and biker boots. The prom dress, the yuppy shirt, the rimless glasses. What-the-hell-ever.
A night in.
To ask him out.
To ask out her out.
To say yes.
To let…

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Thought Catalog

Flickr / Bailey WeaverFlickr / Bailey Weaver

Because there’s always one. And for awhile now, I accepted that it was more-than-likely me. At one point, I may have attempted to redeem this quality, or at least to take pride in the fact that, when it really came down to it, I thought I was doing–if not myself, then somebody else–some good. I took it in stride, my ability to care about people other than myself, to throw myself out on the line and put others before me.

Though the fact of the matter is, at least from what I’ve learned since this less-than-minuscule realization of mine, is that it isn’t always a good thing to care about someone. There’s no guarantee in doing so. Caring is putting yourself in the cross fire. Caring is getting hurt. It’s messy and, above all else, when it really comes down to it, caring about you sucks. 

I think it’s because caring involves feelings; something that, if…

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Thought Catalog

The long list of things I have tried to get rid of my chronic overthinking, chronic worrying, chronic existential angst (we’ll just call it anxiety) begins with benzos and Zoloft and yucky spoonfuls of Prozac when I was 13. I’ve tried yoga and meditation and reading Deepak Chopra. I did breathing exercises and went to therapy and all of these things helped in their own way, but I still hated going to bed because I knew thats when my anxiety thoughts were the worst.

Every night was the same, I would find one aspect of my life and get dragged into the pit of unrealistic dark fantasy that is anxiety. I would replay conversations from five years ago and add up how much money I had and convince myself I had various types of cancer. I would do all these awful mental gymnastics that are unfortunately just part of…

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Thought Catalog

1. You find the exact same things funny.

FriendsFriends

2. …Or not funny.

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3. You seek their approval in all things.

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4. Sometimes one of you gets a little too worked up about something, but the other is always there to calm you down.

FriendsFriends

5. The two of you can be completely childish sometimes, but neither of you care.

FriendsFriends

6. One of you is considerably more affectionate than the other.

FriendsFriends

7. The party doesn’t start until you both walk in. Together. Because you always arrive together.

FriendsFriends

8. No one does a better impression of your friend than you do.

FriendsFriends

Like, no one.

FriendsFriends

9. Future plans always include them. No matter what, you make it work.

FriendsFriends

10. Whenever one of you is a little slow on the uptake, the other always makes sure you get there eventually.

FriendsFriends

11. People often wonder…

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  1. You two have been best friends for literally ever. Most best friends jokingly say they can’t remember life before meeting but you actually can’t remember life before your best friend was in your life. Your moms have had you hanging out since you were toddlers.
  1. Your parents trust your cousin more than your other friends. When you’re with your cousin your family doesn’t even really question what you’re doing or if you’ll be okay, unlike if you were with your other friends. That means you two get away with a lot more and it’s pretty freaking awesome.
  1. Your family events are always awesome. Even if your weird uncle is up to his shenanigans or aunt Carol is droning on and on about her casserole recipe, you at least have your best friend right there suffering through the awkward family moments with you.
  1. If you two have been so busy…

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Thought Catalog

ShutterstockShutterstock

People have different ways of showing love. Some people are touchy-feely, others use their words. For some of us, especially those of us with anxiety, it becomes difficult to express our love. Even if we are touchy-feely or feel more comfortable using words, our anxieties can hinder our ability to show our love. But, sometimes the simplest of actions can show more love than some people understand.

1. We show up. Trust me, anxious people hate going places sometimes. If we show up when you need us, we care. We love you enough to put ourselves aside to be there when you’re in need.

2. We touch you. If it’s something as simple as a hug, it’s a big step for anxious people. If we’re snuggling up on the couch with you, and we grab your hand, and do the cute move of leaning our head on your shoulder… we…

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Flickr / CaroFlickr / Caro

You only realize you run when it’s too late. The crazy thing about this feeling is how quickly it drops from your heart to your stomach; what’s crazier is how you don’t even flinch. The emotional and physical effects of this loss could easily cripple an innocent, unaffected young woman. But not you.

You accept the loss as another personal defeat that you deserved, because you are unworthy. You stifle the stinging tears that desperately try to escape, and expertly swallow cries that are suffocating your lungs and throat. Sometimes, this annoying feeling can be too intense to ignore while you work. Knowing this, you hide in an isolated bathroom for a brief release. You still haven’t decided what makes you cry harder: another failed relationship, or the pain and emptiness your reflection displays in the mirror.

It all could’ve been prevented, and you know this. Are…

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